Sleeping dogs

Here it is one o'clock in the morning and I am up. Yesterday, like a fool, I went for a long walk in the cool and damp. I developed a rather large stiff neck. Rather than deal with it, I went to bed and read. After reading for a while I decided to go to sleep. Nice try! Yesterday I awakened my long sleeping bugaboo of predestination. That was a bad move, sort of like kicking a sleeping Rotweiler in the nose. So the thoughts came rolling in.
Each night, when I try to go to sleep, I have to deal with the wheels. The wheels are always turning. I have learned to concentrate on one happy thought and somehow peace and tranquillity arrive. The Jains would understand this.
Last night the wheels were red lined. The words of Sister Mary Mercilous and Aristotle and Pascal and Hawking roiled through my mind. Abelard sat in the background smiling and Merton watched my approach to the abyss. As a fitting aperitif, the words of Napoleon, that there can be no order or peace in a society without religion, were the last things I read before attempting sleep.
PREDESTINATION, slowly I turned, step by step....... inch by inch..... towards the abyss.
Hawking will go to the beginning, to the Big Bang, but no further, heeding the advice of Pascal. String Theory takes over from there, how did the Jains figure that out? Quantum takes over from there. Bohr leads to Aristotle, Newton's attractive ideas follow from there, Frick and Watson from there. So if the strings were in the beginning and we are correctly interpreting their function, everything is preordained. I learned, from what I did in the Army, that there is no such thing as randomness. So everything that has ever happened, everything that happens, and everything that will ever happen is preordained by that pattern of the strings.
Now we come to the CREATOR, excuse me Jains the concept is hard to deny. If the Creator determined that pattern and the Creator is infallible, then the Pope, as part of the Creator's pattern. is infallible. Every human being that ever lived is part of the Creator's infallible pattern. Then how is sin possible if we are only doing what the Creator predetermined? What can be more irrational than prayer? "Please Creator, change your divine pattern to suit me!".
I have changed my nightly routine. I no longer pray for things, I just give thanks.

I am sitting here in a very upright posture as even bending my head slightly reminds me of the stiff neck. I have always been good at posturing. The concept of dark universes slowly drawing us away from the Creator towards Gehenna is tickling my mind with its tendrils. I have either read my way into heresy or salvation. The Creator will understand, he is used to dealing with stiff-necked people.