Change Feet

I was very fortunate as a child. I had the resource of my Father and the resouce of my Mother. My Father was the epitamy of Gravitas. My Mother was brittle on the outside but soft and tender on the inside. There were family conflicts but the children were never involved. It was only when I was much older that I learned that they even occurred. Imagine, an Irish Catholic marries a Swedish Protestant. Imagine, when my Irish Catholic Grandmother learned that my middle name (Martin) came from my Father and he was named after Martin Luther.

The Irish portion of the family always seemed to be in some sort of turmoil. Their motto seemed to be "If you can't say something nice about someone. come over here and sit by me.". They would be eternal enemies one day and busom friends the next day.
Thr Swedes were much different. They would come over, sit at the kitchen table, and drink until the drink was all gone. They spoke little, only when there was something to say. I can remember disagreements but never arguments. I remember times when a huge fist would strike a near nose and then the fist would pick up the nose and attached body and pour the nose another beer.
The Irish would say "I'm going to do this and I'm going to do that!" in a threatening way. The Swedish motto was "Revenge is a dish best served cold.". The Irish are always ready to forgive and forget. I learned much later in life that underneath the cold and calm of the Swede's outward appearance. lies a magma chamber of inherent violence that they have all learned to control and avoid. A Swede with a grievance makes a Sicilian look like an Alzheimers patient.
When I was in the first year of high school, and had discovered the joys of female companionship, my Father offered me some advice. He didn't give advice very often, he displayed his advice through the way he lived. He was a tower of strength but never applied it to his family. When he gave advice you had better listen because he would only give it when he saw a personal train wreck coming. He had a personal moral and ethical code that was a strong as Swedish steel. He never went against that code just because it was convenient.

His advice:

1. Nils, the only time you should open your mouth is to change feet.
2. Your Mother is your best friend and will always be.
3. You can't hit children, you can't hit women, and you can't hit little guys. (But Dad, that only leaves big guys.). (You will learn to do that before they hit you.).
4. I wouldn't buy that car if I were you. (Boy was he right on that one.).
5. Some day you are going to have a home and a family. remember two things:
A. Never cash your paycheck. Bring it home and give it to your wife and then spend the rest of the week trying to get some of it back. That way you will both know how much is in the pot and no one will make unreasonable demands. Don't bother signing it, she will take care of that.
B. Your home will have four walls. Outside of those walls you are responsible for things that effect your family. If something out there threatens your family, you are responsible for dealing with it even if you have to die trying. Inside those walls you advise and consent. You are the king of your castle as long as you are outside the castle. Inside the castle, keep your mouth shut and do what you are told.
6. Your brother will always be your brother. Make sure that he can depend on you and don't burden him with depending on him constantly

7. ________________________________________________.This advice is related to the advice he gave to me in high school and is blank because I try very hard to adhere to Advice @1.

8. The last thing he said to me: " I don't believe in life after death. I think that people who do are just afraid to die.".

His definition of a man: "A man doesn't lie. A man doesn't steal. A man isn't mean. A man doesn't make himself a fool for anyone. ( This last one was his explanation about staying away from drugs. "Someday someone will offer you drugs. They are not doing this out of the goodness of their hearts, They simply want to initiate you into the society of fools. You will eventually become the tool of a fool.".).