Friday, December 14, 2007

Attempt

This attempt looks like it might be successful. The snow is not as deep as the prophets of doom suggested. The plow trucks are still circling around in glee although one has gone to tell the king that the snow is falling. I went out yesterday before the snow started and returned just as it was starting. I made pizza again and this time it was good. It took a long time to get the sauce right but it was worth it. I watched the snow fall while drinking cocoa, made from Ghiradelli cocoa that three of the world's most wonderful people gave to me. Friend, I am not up late, I am up early. I find that I wake up about midnight each day. This is probably because I go to bed at five p.m. each evening and continue on my quest to read the entire Story of Civilization series by Will and Ariel Durant. I read the first volume about fifteen years ago and can remember a great deal of it, especially the part about India and the Vedas. I am now on volume eight, the age of Louis XIV. I find it difficult to retain the entirety of what I read now. I have even resorted to rereading. I may be able to finish the series because the Durants are dead and it seemed that they could write faster than I could read. Snow storm outside a warm room, a warm blanket,hot cocoa, a good book to read, does life get any better than this. I gained a new appreciation of Luther. He was pudgy and therefore has my respect." Not by works", that goes along with what I have always felt, as if God needed my help to right the wrongs of the world. "But by faith alone", that is the part that has started the thinking. How does one know that they really have faith? Pascal advised faith based on probabilities, imagine a dead athiest (all dressed up with no place to go) but then realized it was not possible to reason faith. It must just be faith. Augustine of Hippo said the same. Abelard, the long suffering genius agreed with Stevie Wonder "If you believe in things that you don't understand, superstition that's your name." Aristotle, lets leave the Trinity and Socrates and Menon out of this, said "If you understand your god then your god is not a god." These were some of the greatest minds mankind has ever produced. They agree on virtually nothing. All the reading I do seems to agree that in the beginng, if there was one, there was only God. Use the word Logos and you could have become kindling a thousand years ago. O.K., here I go. In the beginning everything was condensed into something smaller than an atom. Then BANG. Hydrogen, space, and time were formed. Hydrogen became stars, which grew older and exploded, forming new elements and new stars. These stars went through the same process. Eventually the leftover elements coalesced and formed planets. Primordial Soup led to people. O.K., go back. In the beginning there was just God. It seems to me that the only source of everything else has to be the only available resource. We are star stuff because the elements that compose us were made in stars. Stars were made from God. Do the math. We live in a habitable zone. Any time the Sun acts up, the Earth compensates. Coincidence? All of the early religions seem to have the same basic concepts which were handed down orally. Words. Now all of the religions have separated into infinitesimal differences. These differences were all written down in Sacred Books. How do you get other people to read what you have written? You have to write something new or different, words. To me, the problem seems to be words, not Words. Kind of brings me back to Pascal. How can I ever be sure that I truly have faith and am not just playing the odds? Only I can know this and I am not sure. Reason, like Twinkies, is awfully tempting and just about as good for you. See what happens when you are up late at night and have had four cups of deliciously strong coffee?

6 comments:

Johanna said...

We are having similar ponderings here, minus the cocoa and snowstorm(ahhh, I miss that so much, also watching it fall from the top floor of Sam Diego's, through the big picture window overlooking the street, drinking margaritas and knowing we all had a short walk home, and we wouldn't be working the next day). Mostly, I look up from my book at a man's back parked in front of a computer, and watch him reading blog after blog about the absolute extremely teeny tiny agonized over actually true way we are supposed to worship, and amazingly, many different people have figured this out. Young, white, upper middle class people. And I watch this guy agonize over these things FOR HOURS,and really wrestle with it ,and then tell me about it. And the other day, I sort of said "stop!what a huge waste of energy!And time!And why do these people know more about exactly what God meant and who is right and who is wrong! By 30 years old?!". Because some of these long impassioned sermons seem to be the intellectual equivalent of what my male turkey does when he's excited-poof-feathers erect and trembling, "look at me-aren't I magnificent!!!" Won't they be sort of miffed when they arrive in Heaven after a lifetime of correctly worshiping and I am there, I who spent all that time hanging out with the neighbors I should shun because they smoke marijuana, and reading Dave Barry and making spaghetti sauce in my pajamas. At least I think I'll be there. I have no real way of knowing, it seems that I know less and less every passing year. And I get asked "Mom, why did God make dinosaurs(to adequately fertilize the planet for a race of lard butted creatures that were coming next)?" But there is such a sense of peace when I accept that I will never ever wrap my mind around it, it's like geometry or computer code- I'm excused, I'm not supposed to understand that, I was designed as an animal feeder/pesto maker/baby mama. Ahhh,sleep in heavenly peace. It just IS,that's why. I think of how Mary must have felt, hours after giving birth, and if it was anything like my experience, there is nothing more empty-headed and peaceful minded than a brand new mother,just adoring this new miracle,and not trying to figure out how all of the parts came together.(Of course, I envy your understanding of these books,and hope to see my children curled up with great minds, because we have a WHOLE LOT of Garfield around right now....)

Ericka said...

Your use of the word, "Friend" is reminding me of an Isaac Asimov novel I'm in the middle of right now. It's who the two robots, R. Daneel Olivaw and R. Giskard something address each other. Is that where you got it from (I know you used to read alot of Asimov's sci-fi), or is it from something else?

I wish we'd get snow here, this week it's been all rain.

sandwhichisthere said...

Sorry i am not posting but I can't seem to get the machine to post. In the immortal words of my own personal hero Homer Simpson, "This is everybody's fault but mine!"

sandwhichisthere said...

Get up, go to work, come home, eat, go to bed, get up, etc., etc., etc.. Boy am I glad that that is over. It was easy. Work fifty years and then take it easy.
"The wind is blowing, the snow is snowing, but I can _ _ _ _. Yesterday was pork chop, rice, and mushroom gravy and an explanation of unified force. Bed at five P.M.. One page of Louis XIV.

Kristen said...

I get very frustrated with people who think they can explain God and what God thinks to others. (Like, Pat Robertson saying that Hurricane Katrina was God's punishment for New Orleans being a sinful city! How dare he!) They're just putting limits on God. There's no way that our limited minds can fathom God. We just see and experience glimpses, I think.

Yesterday, I was longing for a time when I could just relax during a storm and drink cocoa and read. But then I remembered that that's not what I ever did anyway before R came along. I would have wasted the time and beauty of the storm by watching TV or some other stupid pursuit, I'm sure (between shoveling). Playing Candy Land and trains and hide-n-seek, making cookies, doing puzzles, watching R jump on all the living room furniture to expend energy - that's how we spent our stormy Sunday, and it was wonderful. Of course I did a lot of Marge Simpson groaning, but that's just a given these days. :-)

sandwhichisthere said...

No one can explain God. God IS! It's time for old Pat to get off the podium and sit on the porch. If there were five good people in New Orleans, and I am sure there were, that was not the work of God, there is a precedent. Old Pat lusts after getting a job in Washington D.C. I hope he brings his waders.