Every bad thing that ever happened to me was my fault before this. I have become used to making big mistakes and small mistakes and have become very forgiving and understanding of the long list of my errors and failings.
This thing that has happened has nothing to do with my failings and has resulted in my railing against the unfairness of it. It is not fair that something should happen to someone I love dearly. It is not my fault but it is also not the fault of my loved one.
I can understand when bad things happen to me as I am used to it and it is usually my fault. To have something happen to such a sweet and loving and gentle person is not fair. My heart goes out to her. Her life has been filled with enough disappointment and tragedy and toil.
I lay in bed at night thinking over and over "What can I do to help? Is there any way that I can remedy this situation?". This can't be happening but it is.
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