Solitare

Last night was a perfect night for solitare. The solitare that I practice is not the same as the solitare most people are familiar with. I learned to play in the Sixties. It consists of sitting comfortably by yourself in the evening, with a low soft light on, and reflecting on your life. I discovered it while trying to learn to meditate. Hey, it was the Sixties and everyone said it was the key to internal peace.
I never did learn to meditate. How can a person clear their mind of all things or concentrate on just one thing? My mind is like the insides of an old fashioned watch. There are innumerable wheels, all turning at different rates, and never ceasing to move. I have never been able to stop the wheels or just let one turn but I did discover solitare.
Solitare consists of sitting in the aforementioned environment and reflecting on my life. All of the failures I have initiated and all of the people who tried to love me and finally gave up due to the lack of reciprocity.
Solitare is dark and sultry and most would say that I should try to look on the bright side and lighten my life up. Noooo. After some time it is a cleansing and humbling thing. It feels good to sit and take inventory of your life and realize that you are just a man with all of a man's failings and defects. There is a lot of clay in your socks.
There is one thing that is missing. I used to have a Dusty Springfield record that I would play while solitaring. Her voice and music and lyrics were perfect for the moment. I think that she is probably the best singer that I have ever heard. I will say the Barbra Streisand singing Ave Maria and the lyrics of Elton John ( Burn Down the Mission and Country Comfort) are right up there with Dusty Springfield. There they go again, the little wheels turning at a furious rate while the big ones amble along.
There was a monster storm forecast for this area last night. This morning there is an accumulation and it is still snowing but there are no feats of snow. I am all tucked in and have no reason to go out. There are the remnants of a beef stew that I made several days ago and the larder is groaning. The stew is reasonable but not overwhelming. I didn't have any anchovies for it and the result is lackluster at best. Some day I will learn to make good beef stew. There are leftover buttermilk biscuits and I am going to make another attempt at chicken cacciatore.
The snow seems to be picking up. I hope that the birds and the squirrels are alright. There they go again. The snow was the big wheel and the birds and the squirrels were the little ones. Think of one thing or no things. How is that possible?