Women as priests

There seems to be a controversy raging about allowing Catholic priests to marry and to allow women to be ordained as Catholic priests. People are asking why the Church follows guidelines instituted so many years ago. I don't have many answers but I do have some misgivings.
First of all, the expense that the Church would incur. Imagine all of the Catholic churches all over the world. Multiply that by the number of huge stained glass windows in those churches. Imagine how much it would cost to put draperies or curtains on all of those windows. Imagine how much it would cost to put comfy, squishy, expensive pillows on all of the pews in all of those churches.
Priests usually all wear the same robes for Mass and dress in black during the times when they are not celebrating Mass. Would women priests be willing to all dress alike all of the time? Incense is burned during the Mass. Soon there would be No Smoking signs all over the church and the scent of incense would only be a memory.
IAt the end of each pew there would be a bowl of a sweet smelling mixture of herbs and flowers. The Vatican might approve of this as there is a chance that they could garner some income from it. Churches could be required to buy Popepourri only from the Vatican. This could be added to by marketing Popeland Springs water for the baptismal and entrance holy water fonts. I can envision the ad now.
"Popeland Springs, coming to you straight from Rome.
Popeland Springs from the spring beneath the Dome.".
Many secrets are divulged in Confession. Would women priests be able to keep those juicy little tidbits of misbehavior under their hats during conclaves of each other?
Eventually women would become Cardinals. Cardinals all wear the same red robes and hats. Where would that go? The advantage to the robes would be the extermination of the most dangerous question ever asked. "Does this make my butt look too big?". Why ask such a question when there is only one answer that a non-suicidal male may offer?
In time a woman would become Pope. The Pope has a dazzling assortment of robes that he wears, each delegated to a certain Holy Day. "You expect me to wear the same robe for the Feast of Festivus that I wore last year?". The same would apply to the only hat that the Pope wears. Now comes the biggest roadblock. The Pope always wears the same pair of shoes! Those shoes came into fashion two thousand years ago. They would be as popular as yesterday's fish.
Sooner or later all of Christianity must reunite. There would be an ecumenical Pope. Who would get the most votes to become Pope? My money is on Doctor Phil or Oprah.
Then would come the cost of changing all of the Bibles in the world, there are a lot of them.
"Our Father/Mother, who art in heaven". Changing all of the He's to S/He might cost a bit.
Then comes the changes in the Holy Eucharist. No more plain white wafers. Whole grain, no carbohydrate, yoghurt based wafers would be the business to be in.
Lastly, the concept of priests marrying. This would put an end to all of the nuns in the world. All convents would have to become co-ed. I can hear the comment now. "I saw you staring at that black robed hussy.".
There are not enough funds left in the Church to provide on-site day care for every church in the world. There would be a saving on wine because priests would not be allowed to start drinking before noon time on Sunday. Every church would have to have a woman priest to celebrate the new Sacrament of Abortion (which, if men gave birth would already be a Sacrament). This topic brings to mind an anecdote.

The Pope was making a speech from the balcony of Saint Peter's. The speech was about birth control being a sin.
A little old Italian lady was in the front row of the assembled crowd. After the speech was over she stood up and cried out "You no playa da game, you no maka da rules".

There remains the problem of certain priests with little boys. I have no tolerance for this situation. Some old Protestant sects have a solution for deviant behavior. They remove the offending member. I suggest this be done with a dull chain saw. This could be done on the Feast of Saint Abelard.
Didn't the Old Testament have a solution for this problem? I don't know what the citizens of Gommorah were guity of but I do know what the others were guilty of. It is an abomination!
The Church and the Boy Scouts and the Congressional pages could find a solution if they would emulate the Cub Scouts. The Cub Scouts don't have Den Fathers. They have Den Mothers. Keep the boys way from the men when they are so young that they are vulnerable. Of course I am sure if the Cub Scout organization starts waving some money around, they too will have violated thirty year olds coming out of the woodwork.