Again

It is back. Once more it casts its filter across the sunbeams of Spring. Its power has waned over the years. It is no longer the ebon wall that blocked the Sun of renewal and hope. It is more like a grey shadow that lives in the background. Its power is no longer omnipotent but its presence is always there. It is like a spice that cannot be identified but whose fragrance and taste linger just beyond palate's inventory and gently hint of its presence.
There were times when I railed against its power and thrashed my way through its undergrowth, never able to rise above its canopy and feel the warm light of joy on my face. Those times are gone and I am no longer the shadow that looms in the background, diluting the joy of others.
Its power has waned. I no longer scurry through the day, seeking to outrun the foreboding that promises a restless night. The respite of the thoughts of a poet are no longer needed as a shield to be strapped on as the twilight deepens. It is now an old friend, to be greeted as an old friend from youth is. No plundering of the larder, bringing out the good plates, raising a glass to tender memories. The weak light of candles, a dark glass of port, and the greeting "I know you well. You are acknowledged and greeted but not especially welcome. Come and sit and we will think and speak of times gone by. You are no longer the flavor of my life but you are a wisp of a time gone by and any company is welcome. You are not good company but you are company.".
I still feel uneasy reading Frost or Sandburg, resisting the temptation to look over my shoulder to see if creeps forward from its home in the corner. I still do not have the courage to read Ibsen as I know that is like sending out an invitation "Please come roaring back into my life.".
It will always be here. It is not a friend or an enemy, it is simply an acquaintance. An aquaintance that bears the message "There will be no more highs or lows. There will simply be an endless procession of medians.".
I have survived the moor, I will survive the denoument. I will forego the tens to avoid the ones and I will cherish all of the fives.